Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Easy Goes It, Girl

Working on that personal investment thing. PT is going better. I slowed down and that’s hardfor me to say much less do. I took more of a break between sets of exercises so I could finish without fatigue and that helped, but darn I feel so weak and slow. I know it’s a progression but I'm more of a fast paced girl if you know what I mean. Losing that physical strength and stamina has been my biggest downfall mentally. I totally dream about running faster, jumping puddles after a good rain, sloshing through the wet trails on a good long run and wake up knowing its not even a posibility right now. Are you kidding? I'm really dreaming about running? LOL. My brain can't even slow me down.

I'm going to my friends spin class tonight. She knows that I can't be my usual fun, get her done, push to my limits kinda girl tonight but it will be good practice in patience for me. Liz and Vicki will be there too. Need a little perk up and get some of this pent up energy out.

The Foodie in me:
The thing about working on nutrition in our lives has been hard er... not existent really. I have no desire to cook an elaborate meal, not desire to clean up after making that meal. I've been bad. I don't eat the things the kids eat. I lean more towards the paleo diet since wheat seems to upset the body and many of the grains aren't that appetizing to me. I don't eat much dairy, which for someone with osteopenia that’s not really a good thing but I've been much better about taking my calcium chews and my vitamin D. I'd like to talk to someone who knows what they're talking about, about how much I should be taking considering my severe calcium deficiency but that would require me going to the doctor. In some ways I'm good about taking care of my health and in others I'm sorely lacking. How long has it been since I've had an eye exam or gotten new glasses? Long enough that I don't really even remember. ouch. So things on my to do list like making drs. apts just keep finding their way to the bottom of the list. Better than before when I used to just pretend I didn't need to do them at all. That’s progress right?

Since I'm not paying for "Therapy":
This rain isn't helping with the whole... I'm not depressed just lacking energy, motivation, desire for social interaction and so on. Ok maybe a little depression. Its been on and off pretty significantly for the last 6 months or so but I really really really don't want to take anything since I already take my thyroid pill and so many other supplements. I'm working on positive affirmations, concentrating on healing my leg, getting stronger, loving on my boys, supporting my sister and this new life she's creating, thanking my parents more for taking my kids whenever I need a sitter, enjoying little vacations and time away from the house instead of locking myself up and not going out unless I have to.

I'm hoping the little ski trip that will be sure to rattle my nerves worrying about the boys will be off set by our little trip to Yosemite if I can get someone to take the dogs for a couple days (oh daddy? could you please watch the doggies for us while we're gone?),  and still make some reservations. I know we just "got away" in December but fresh air instead of stuffy casinos sounds more up my ally AND I'm in dire need of some beautiful places to take pictures of my boys and family.

Easy Goes it, Girl

If I can't run I'll walk

if I can't walk I'll crawl

but I refuse to stand still and wait.

So off I go

towards tomorrow and the day after

slowly, cautiously and with purpose

Looking for a new trail head to follow

The strength to move mountains of doubt in my head

to a new adventure; a story to tell

a new Goal to reach beyond

a new star to touch if I reach high enough, long enough, far enough

as the pieces of puzzle fall into place for me to complete. ~me

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