The Girl in the Mirror

I don't know about you but when I look in the mirror I don't even see the Tina of Today. I usually see a much younger version although I do already look young for my age. When I was little I was not so much of a sun worshiper as I was a VERY outdoorsy kid. I played outside a lot, played sports all year and swam and camped all summer. I rarely remember getting sun screen applied and usually only on those 100F+ days did my mom even think of it. It wasn't something my mom's generation (or mine) worried about back then. My skin was always this beautiful bronzy tan that I took for granted.

For a few summers my mom had noticed this mole on my back right above my bathing suit (bra) line. She took me in to have it removed and it came back as Malignant Melanoma State II. How I looked at the sun completely changed me that summer I turned 15. I became an avid sun avoider. I am religious about applying sunscreen every morning before I walk out the door then a few times throughout the day depending on our activities. I don't EVER tan to tan. Actually I have been white for so long that my body took a beating this spring when I came out of my shell and started running again. Even my walks were generally trained for in the morning, in the late evening or on the treadmill. Rarely in the heat of the day.

Now I've been good about applying sunscreen but the tan has become a part of me again. Different kind of tan though... not the tan left over from the constant beating sun but the gradual growing tan from the little bit that gets through the sun screen. Today when I looked in the mirror I saw me... the 30 year old me (that still gets zits) but has a nice healthy tan and I realized I will always be afraid of the sun and its rays but never to the point that I feel locked away from it again.