Saturday, January 19, 2008


I stupidly wonder, still after 8 years of marriage and almost 12 years together, Am I worth it? I have guilt every time I spend money on me. I wanted to do this half marathon class and I've been working my buns off, literally, for the last two weeks and really in desperate need of new shoes. I told FFP that my knees hurt so bad I really think I need new shoes. He took me down there and bought me some and I greatly appreciate it but then he gives me a such a hard time about my Mizuno Wive inspire shoes that I love and all I feel like is "why am I spending money on me?" I feel guilt. Deep down, make my stomach turn, guilt. Although I ran 8 miles today and felt really good running for the first time since the training started. Why do we do that? Why do we rationalize away the things that we want or deserve? This class is more than just for me to prove I can do it, its for me to work out and exercise and enjoy exercising again. Its for me to get back into control of my health and life. I can't shake the guilt. I guess that's part of the mommy package. Thankfully the half marathon is before baseball season starts. I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to run after that. Then it will be the guilt about taking time away from the family, since our lives will be so full of taking them here then there then here then there all week.

I was pretty bad about food so far today. I ate oatmeal for breakfast, a chai tea latte and two fried (pan in a little olive oil) eggs. At Gail's I had the insides of spinach and sausage lasagna with cheese of course, salad made of romaine lettuce, a couple croutons and one tablespoon of really yummy creamy salad dressing. I had two small glasses of iced tea with a touch of splenda and one piece of Mimm's super chocolate cake. We will be leaving shortly for the IC a wonderful Italian restaurant where I will eat more food I am not supposed to consume. LOL I must say I had no guilt over the super chocolate cake. Some things I cannot avoid so therefore you need to give yourself a break for. It was cake at a party it must be free of calories.

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