Grrrr.... I'm going through a funk. Little things happen and it ruins my day. Not like me at all. I'm the queen of shake it off and find something positive. Not lately. Heart hurts, tears come too easily, patience is thin, fuse is short. Sad is a word at the front of my thoughts... always. I'm not sure why. I love the fall, I love being a part of the kids schools. I love that for the first time in my life I have a huge support system from not only family but MANY amazing friends.
I'm sad for one friend who is going through some pretty life changing stuff and I wish I could take that painful part away from her. I've been in her shoes. Maybe I haven't dealt with my sadness in that regard. Maybe that's why I'm so opt to take her place if I could. I can't though. Its her burden to bear and I'm here as support or an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on.
I'm missing those family members who aren't with us any more. I saw a picture of poppies today and it made me miss my Gpa and Gma. Then I start to miss my Aunt DiDi when I heard the boys talking about black powder rifles, Uncle James when someone sang a song and played the guitar on TV and Uncle Larry when a man took his kids on a long dirt bike ride into the dessert. Lately everything reminds me of someone to miss. One thing leads to another and tears spring to my eyes. I really really don't like that.
I wish running helped. It usually does. Not lately though. If anything the pressure has stressed me out that much more. I'm looking for that break after the CIM. Half marys only. Enjoy running again. Enjoy my friends. Spend time with my family. Cuddle with my kids. Find my holiday spirit. I wish I could find my smile now. Its buried somewhere... hopefully not too deep. Come out, Come out, where ever you are.