Thursday, March 19, 2009

Cancer sucks

*** Gray's Anatomy spoilers ahead****

First off I'm really sorry that this post is so negative. I'm just having a really hard time today. Everything is black and white although I know there are so many shades of grey (so to speak).

I'm watching Grey's and its so sad. We all knew what was going to happen to Izzie. She has stage IV metastasised melanoma. Sucks

Today is my birthday. 16 years ago this week I had a mole removed that came back Stage II malignant melanoma. A little surgery and I was all fixed up. I gave up running. I hid inside.

Tuesday I went into the dermatologist about this facial abscess thing and he asks about my moles. I tell him about the mole removed 16 years ago this week and he does a quick scan and asks if there are any new ones or any with dramatic change. I show him one on the inside of my right breast that is not only new but since its showed up its changed from barely noticeable to very dark in just a few months. He removes it. We have a wonderful conversation about how as a 14 year old developing this form of skin cancer is most probably hereditary. Genetically my deck is stacked against me. So when he takes a second one off now its about getting these things early, and how my probability goes up for developing it again.

He reschedules us for April 1st. Group therapy. He wants me to come in and the dermo can show hubby the right way to check my skin and my moles for change. Hubby finds this amusing til I tell him that we'll be checking his skin too.

Genetically. My Uncle Larry is one of my favorite people. He has had several types of skin cancer including Melanoma and last year he had a bout with stomach cancer. he had surgery, he's had chemo, he has had clear scans until now. I got an email that its back and not only on his stomach again but two spots on his liver. Cancer sucks.

I started walking in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer because my MIL was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on September 18th 2003. We rallied around her. The hubby shaved his head when her hair started falling out. She had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. It was a long journey but she cleared and healthy.

About 4 years ago my Aunt went on a trip with her girlfriends and my uncle was sick. He ended up in the hospital. His white counts were off and it was more than just being sick. In and out of the hospital and from bad to worse. Those two years were a roller coaster of Leukemia and chemo and meds and hospital visits. In August of 2007 I lost my Uncle James to cancer.

I am no stranger to cancer but today its just too much. It has taken SO many people I love and affected even more who are important to me. Today Cancer reared its big ugly head and I'm just mad, sad, scared and driven to find a cure. I'm worried about getting back a clear path result. I'm worried for my family, for my kids and husband. I'm worried that I'll do what I did before if it comes back positive, I'll lock myself in the house again because going out in the sun is just too risky.


Sarah said...

I wish I knew what to say to make you feel less mad, sad, and scared. I can't admit to knowing what it feels like, cancer doesn't run in my family but severe heart issues do- so on that end I feel just like you- must do all we can to find the answers.

It takes people like you, defying the odds, getting out there and living your life but still being careful and preventative making a difference. I heard a quote once "If you think you're too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito." We can all do great things, you just can't be scared to go outside or who's going to keep up the fight?

Be tough and strong, my friend. My prayers are with your and your family.

RunningLaur said...

I found your blog through aron's (the first comment in a post caught me eye for some reason). Sorry to hear about all of the problems right now, I too have had several cancerous miles removed and the dread that must be overwhelming right now.

If you're up for the hooray spring run, stop by my blog, we'd love to have you. Some time enjoying the renewal of life after winter can do us all some good. :)

aron said...

hang in there girl... dont really know what to say but know that lots of good thoughts and virtual (((hugs))) are being sent your way!

TinaGirl said...

OK so yesterday I had a little birthday freak out but you know what they say.

"Its my party I can cry if I want to"

I'm better day and have a fresh perspective. Just a little too much at one time yesterday. Stupid TV show put me over the edge. LOL

Steven Cohen said...

Blame it on the TV. You can cry anytime you want to. Keep up the fight, though, and find time for a good run. Or not. 8D