Stick a Fork in Me

I'm done. I sooo need a good soul searching, mind numbing, music blasting, feet turning run. I need to sweat, and almost cry and take too deep of breaths and go go go until I'm spent. Then take a long hot shower and let the salt run off me because that hasn't happened in OMG WAY TOO LONG! I need a freaking break from reality and fall into that amazing blissful runners high I haven't felt since the first weekend in December when I ran faster than I should have because I felt so damn good. Of course then I bonked. Here I am 6 months later walking around like a pile of mush.

I'm going for a run tonight, if only in my head. Because the stupid car is broke down again. in the last week its cost us $1600 or more to fix the computer and the AC. Freak an A! With so many things I want... and a few things I need and I feel guilty buying a new pair of shoes! Shoes would make me feel better right? Since I feel like Crap all the time. I thought maybe I was anemic or dying or had some rare disease to explain how crappy I feel. So I went to the doc and she sent me to the blood suckers and they took an enormous amount of my bodily fluids to tell me whats wrong.

I got my labs back today and after a full panel everything under the sun... I'm perfectly fine other than needing my thyroid meds increased. I have low resting heart rate (something ridiculous like 56 after riding my bike hard to make it to my appt on time then sitting down for an entire 3 minutes before the nurse took my vitals) and low BP, perfect lipid and cholesterol. Damn I should feel a hell of a lot better than I do. So I think I need to run.

I know its stupid to look in the mirror and judge myself. Really... I'm one of those girls that people laugh at when I say I feel fat. Naturally I'm not. I'm small boned, have naturally low body fat, I'm a stupid freak of nature but guess what...? I feel fat. I have mushy parts, especially all this eating like crap then looking at the lovely muffin top bulging over my waist band. Yes I do, it is REALLY HARD TO MISS. Its almost freaking swim suit season. Back to eating veggies and working out. No more slacking. no. more. slacking. nomoreslackingdamnit.