Today is Today but Tomorrow is a New Day

I kinda remember (since its been a while) when each day of training for a marathon closely resembled the day and the week before (perhaps even the month before if I do back to back training programs); just a new set of numbers on the calander and if I was lucky more good runs than bad.

Now its the opposite. I'm treading water waiting for this injury to be remidied but the doc, the PT and the chiropractor are all waiting for me to heal enough so that I can get out there and not undo the last two months of semi-progress work. I've been doing wall sits on the sly (shhh don't tell my PT), using the bands for resistance, hopefully get my glutes to fire the way they're supposed to.  I'm doing leg lifts and the embaressing clam shell to get my hips back to normal and lots and lots of stretching! I really really really just want to run, so much that its heartbreaking. BUT if I can't run (I can't believe I'm going to say this) I wish I was back at KOR doing my kettlebell routine with KC yelling ... er... telling me I'm doing everything wrong. At least I felt strong. Even when I was weak I could feel those nearly non-existant  muscles working. That made me feel good! Thats what I need. Something that makes me feel strong, 'cause let me tell you, PT ain't it.

When I'm all healed up and get the go ahead, or when I'm too tired of not running to care, I'm looking forward to getting back to running on the dirt, volcanic rock, muddy, hilly, root infested, wild flower lined paths, so I can do some trail races. I'd really like to do some in Mtz or the East Bay (my old stomping grounds), just not to race. I'm looking forward to not worrying about time and running more for enjoyment for whats around me and how I feel, more then how fast I go. I really need a break from the competition, although there are few I compete with other than myself. That sub 4 hour marathon is going to have to wait. I'm looking forward to asking my friends down at Fleet Feet Chico about doing some coaching this summer.... and eek! Looking into a job this week. Not sure if its for me, has to do with sales but I'm going to check into it. It would be nice to have a paycheck again.

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You know what I'm really missing? While I'm on the couch eating Bryer's Rocky Road ice cream, because its the best, and watching Biggest Loser (because really, who doesn't?), I'm having flashbacks to that first half marathon program where it rained and more often than not, poured, EVERY Tuesday night speed workout. We ran in the dark around the out side of the track, because it was closed, through the parking lot with 3 or 4 cars left in it, around the pitch black lot with pot holes you can't see, to the scary bike path that the collage students hated using to get back to their apartments after dark, and back around by the track. The loop was about 3/4 of a mile long. I looked like a total geek wearing my head lamp flash light but people wanted to run with me because I could actually see what was in front of me. A lot of growing took place on those cold, dark, wet, nights outside the track. And oh how I miss those Tuesday nights. I miss the soaking rain, I miss my running pals. I miss Alan, Ed, David or way back when I first started Angela, encouraging me to go a little faster this lap, to push that mole hill before the last turn that felt like a mountain, but mostly to feel my way through the darkness by looking inside myself.

Not running feels like someone elses life. I never ever expected to feel like that. To find something... anything that defined and completed me, other than parenthood, the way that running has. I may not be running... but I'm still a runner.