Motivationally Deprived

I have not have the drive to get out there and run. I thought maybe it was the weather, Nor Cal has been the target of storm after storm for since last Sunday, so I ran on the "dreadmill" all week. I thought maybe it was not running with my friends but I had little drive out there yesterday even though I ran with TTD but apparently she was short on motivation too. I don't have any races that I'm really excited about and I think I'm going to keep running and doing local races (maybe a half in May) but take some of the pressure off. I've been running consistently for two years and I think I need a break from the hard training before I start training for a fall marathon. So TTD and I decided to keep running with the half program to keep the social aspect and mileage up then just run the Bidwell Classic as a relay. Last year we did and came in 2nd place for the FF group.

Goals for the Non Training months:
strength training. I really really really need to find the $ to go back to KOR but I don't think it will come to be until March unless I can get on the ball and sell my car. I love my car. I just hate having 3 of them and mine is the easiest to cut.
Writing: Id like to work on this blog and my kids blogs a little more. I'd like to work on writing here about the changes I'm trying to make in our family eating habits and about enjoying running just to run again.
Eating: I know many of my blog friends out there are Vegans or Vegetarians but we're omnivores around here. Most of our meat consumption actually comes from wild game though. Very rarely (mostly if we go out for a nice dinner or something or an occasional rotisserie chicken from Costco) will we eat food not from what the FFP brings home from the hunt. That being said, we are getting low on Wild Pig and Elk. Guess its time to think about going to Colorado this Fall again. Duck and Goose season is almost over and that's been nice this year with a couple easy recipes in the dutch oven and Turkey season starts up again soon.

I am going to purchase the cookbook "The Conscious Cook" and try to make one Vegan main dish a week. I think it will help bring more veggies in different ways into the household. I could write a book about the things Blondy WONT eat... like the yummy Chicken and dumplings I made tonight. I also think I'm going to join the Natural Foods Co-op and use our wonderful local Farmers Markets more often.

So I hope these things get me Jazzed about running again. Right now I think that the only thing that keeps me going is my friends out there running. For so long it was about training and I missed them as I grew more confidant in my speed for the marathon and moved ahead. Now all I want is to run and chat with them.

Limits

I've thought a lot about what my limits and my boundaries have been since I started running. I have gone far beyond what I thought I could ever do and thus blowing those ideas of limits out of the water. In the life of a parent I am very good at shutting those down and forgetting what I am capable of. Mostly I want to protect them, even by being "too safe and cautious" which isn't really helping them at all is it? I became a paranoid mommy. Not where I wanted to be in my parent style at all.

I never thought I would run a 10K much less a half or full marathon, but I did. I had to push those "limits" in myself to train for longer distances, for faster times, for conserving energy now so I could push it later. I had to learn to eat differently so I had energy to do things I never thought myself capable of. I had to retrain my mind with positive thoughts, not my usual process at all.

As a parent I am constantly worried about the boys getting hurt, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I built walls around us to keep us safe, those walls are mostly figurative but sometimes very physical when you see what my kids are allowed (or not allowed) to do compared to some of the other kids in our neighborhood. I don't let them play in the street. I don't allow them to go to someones house where I don't know the parents. I hover when they are online so they don't accidentally log into the wrong site. They have timers set for how long they can watch TV, play video games or have computer time. I force them to play outside with Blondy under constant supervision, and at age almost 9 I let Hollywood play outside with less supervision than before with the understanding that he knows his boundaries, knows he must check in every half hour and does not enter any ones backyard, house or car without coming and talking to me first. If I say no there will be no temper tantrums or talking back. Of course these are only a few of the obvious ways I protect my children but the list could go on all day I don't think you want me to bore you anymore with that. All in all, I built my walls pretty high.

It was so hard to climb those walls, jump over them and run, but thats exactly what I did. I always came back though. I needed to get a little Tina time in, not as a parent or a spouse for a little while. I learned that not only did I build walls around family to protect them but I built walls around myself and became of the world going on around me. So when I started to run I had little confidence in myself, but slowly and steadily I learned that there is a difference in LIMITS and BOUNDARIES. Limits are meant to be challenged and boundaries are what we have to keep us safe. My kids are getting the benefits too. A happy mom who is tearing down walls, setting boundaries broader and limits more as goals to overcome. Those walls around our family are not so high but still working on coming down s-l-o-w-l-y as my kids grow. Those walls around myself will be torn down and rebuilt over and over I think but at least they grow with my goals and are torn down with great friends, great runs, great coaches, great workouts, PR's and everyday wonderful achievements. Becoming a runner as taught me more about being a person, a wife, a friend, but mostly a parent than I could have ever imagined.

buzz buzz

What I ate yesterday was pretty good but still lacking in the complex carb and overall calorie division. Yesterday morning I was on track, I forgot to eat lunch and headed out to our friends house for the Superbowl and snack snack snacked. But I had RIBS and I love love love them. We had grilled asparagus and lots and lots of chips, salsa and 7layer bean dip. ugh. I had some zesty fries and some Kahlua cream cheese pie. No running. I'm thinking of going out now.

Buzz Buzz on over to MizFit. She's rockin' her Blog Birthday with giveaways galore. You will Flip your lid over her go go go get in shape and healthy living attitude. She always makes me smile.

In your face!

I love a good meme so I posted the one from my Face Book on over at my regular (not so) everyday going on in my life blog. Check 'em out!

I ran 14 miles today. The first 7 were fine... maybe a little fast but they felt good. On the way back we were supposed to kick it up to race pace for a mile and a half then jog for half of a mile x3. That did not happen. Vic and Liz think I'm going to do 8:30's and I just played along because I thought it sounded good at the time. I have revised that. My Half Mary in October averaged out to be 9 minute miles so I figure if I go for 9 minute miles and if I feel good and want to kick it up a notch here or there and into high speed the last few I will do better than my previous time and that's really all I want. I want to be under 1h56m00s. That's the plan Stan.

Food... I was so bad yesterday... so stinkin' bad. I ate a banana and some coffee in the morning and I didn't eat again til dinner. I had Chinese food which was WONDERFUL but just not enough. Maybe that's why I sucked like a dust buster today. sheesh. I'm self sabotaging myself! I need to get the heck over it!

I really want to go see Liz's husband play in his band tonight but I'm just not sure how that's gonna pan out. hummm..... Have fun at all your SuperBowl parties tomorrow!

Week in review

I got absolutely no running in last weekend. I had a great long run (12 miles) with AnnMarie that Thursday before but the streets were not plowed in a way for me to go run in a strange area and feel like I could safely move out of the road if I needed to, that and lots of old people up there driving just don't watch out for little ole' runners like me. So we did a lot of walking and climbing and sledding. We had a nice weekend together and spent genuine quality time with the fam. Love that. we got back into town late on Sunday but Monday flew by before I got a run in. Tuesday night was speed work and I felt pretty good out there but I had a rumbly tummy and felt a bit tired. I pushed through and had a good night of hard running. One of my 1200m intervals was at 7:38m/m pace. That is GREAT for ME. I'm the resident slow poke. I just didn't feel right by the end. I thought I must have been hungry but by the time I got home the stomach flu/food poisoning had set in and I was miserable all night. I will spare you the details but it was not pretty. Exhausted and hurting I stayed in bed ALL DAY on Wednesday and Thursday I went out for a run but the lack of food in my system for 36 hours absolutely played a part in my heading back to the house after a quarter mile. Friday I took up with Laura at the 4 mile mark of her 10 mile run. We did a nice 6 mile run together and missed most of the rain. Saturday was our long run with the FF Training team and little group o' girlz; Liz, Vicki, AnnMarie, Patty and myself had a hard time getting warmed up but after dropping Patty at the 5 mark so she could complete her 10 miles we made it to the 6.5 mark, took some GU and headed back to finish 13 miles. I felt really good from mile 8 to mile 12 then the last mile I wasn't sure if I could finish. I just tried to keep up with the girls. we stretched really really well and headed home.

I had a revelation today though.

Cheeze ITs are so yummy! I love them! Oh yea, I'm not eating wheat products anymore (again). Damn those Cheeze Its! Now I wonder how they found their way into my house? someone is trying to sabotage me. Its my own conspiracy theory. Ohh... and then they went and bought PIZZA! Damn them and their Carbohydrate and Grease loving little bodies. I guess I'll have soup. =(

Is it Friday yet?

At this moment my 6 year old is crying like a baby because he can't find his Leapster that he can't even play because its after lights out time. What is up with that? My 8 year old won't turn off the light because he's reading. Not that I want him to stop reading but without a full nights sleep tomorrow is going to be hell for me. I need some mommy time. I need some recoup from this week time. I need a new body and a new brain because mine is falling apart... and fast.

Tuesday I was supposed to go do speedwork with the Fleet Feet Marathon group. I spend all night sitting up while trying to sleep because my head was so stuffy and my ears hurt and body ached. Full blown cold came to visit. I was so exhausted that I slept on and off on Tuesday and decided not to run that night since I was pretty blah from the Advil Cold and Sinus (which is my go to drug for any head cold let me tell you). I watched Biggest Loser and ate Peppermint Ice Cream while everyone else was running their tahookies off on TV and at the track. I tried to hit the hay but to no avail. Sometime after midnight the sandman finally came to visit. I woke up several times through out the night but not for very long at a time.

Wednesday we took both the 3rd and 1st graders to the farmers market. They each got $2 worth of Market cash to spend on fruits and veggies. They brought home a feast. Its amazing what $40 a classroom can bring back. They tried Bock Choy and Persimmons, peppers, lemongrass and squash. They bought things to make a soup in class with fresh herbs and local veggies. Both Classes came home with locally grown sugar pumpkins for our families to cook. I'm very excited and they all seemed to have a great day.

I for one was feeling great. Like the cold just blew on by. I went out with the Fleet Feet Flyers on their Wednesday night speed workout. I felt pretty good in general but felt held back by this nagging tightness and ache in my left leg from my hip to to ankle. I had to keep slowing down. It was really like I never got warmed up in the whole 5.6 mile workout. It makes me so mad that you are not even breathing hard, your heart rate is still low but you can't give it your all. Apparently I did get a work out though because I hurt like hell this morning. Worse than I have ALL of the marathon program. Enough that I think I may need to make an appointment with Dr. John. I need to nip this in the bud before it becomes an "injury" instead of some tensed up muscles.

I felt better overall today. I was really tired and still feeling the recovery mode from last night and this cold. I took it easy. I had a hard time straightening out my leg then a hard time bending it once it felt good straight. I've been eating OK the last few days. Elk for dinner in Spaghetti last night. YUMMY Hunny Thank you. It was ready for me to warm up when I got home and the kiddos were all ready for bed at 7:30pm. RIGHT ON!

Monday Funday

Today the hubby got up early and left to go Turkey hunting which means his lab went crazy... camo + gun = a day out for Sprig... but not today. No doggies turkey hunting so she kept me up whiny and sad because she was left behind. I finally got up took a shower, got the boys ready for school and out the door in time to ride our bikes. My tire was flat so into the car we went. I did get to go to coffee with a friend I used to work with. It was nice to see her now that she's a SAHM and loving it. Its a different world and she went through some depression after leaving but she's doing a good job of coming out of it and feeling her way through this new appreciation for a NEW kind of job. Coffee and Kayla to love on made the day.

Hubby and I went to the landscape place and debated over rock. I made my decision we brought it home then he griped about it the whole time. Of course. Oh well.

Hollywood had Guitar lessons then we went to Food Maxx to go shopping. Hubby is TOO GOOD to shop there so I have to go alone. Of course I got only what was on my list and filled the whole back of my car for little over $100! The Lord knows we don't need meat so the rest of the food is pretty reasonable in comparison. We buzzed home where hubby had started dinner. Round Steak (elk) in cream of mushroom and cream of celery soup at 300 degrees for 2 hours. Then the gravy poured over white rice and corn bread on the side. Scratch the yams that I put in the oven. Oh well, I'll save them for tomorrow when he's gone and I eat healthy again. LOL

I totally could have ran today. I felt so good after my 16 mile progressive run yesterday. We finished so strong in the low 9 min mile range. It was a great day! Three weeks from yesterday is the CIM! I need to blog about my mental shifting gears and I hope to get to it tomorrow. I work in the boys classrooms and still need to find a sitter. Night night! I'm out.

hmphhhhh

Well... when I started running last winter Liz told me I may gain a few pounds... you know some of it is muscle. But what the heck. I jumped on the scale this morning and it read 110.6. HUH? When I started the marathon program I was shuffling well... not 110 but pretty standard number on my scale was 107. I mean I didn't budge too far either way. Its been two months since I've seen anything UNDER 110.

Anyway, I went to put my FAVORITE jeans on and pulled them up to my hips... and what? ...they just stopped. No easy slide on over the hips I'm used to. I actually had to muscle them over my hips. GRRRRrrrr...... So first the damn scale now the damn jeans. I can't deny it any more. Its not just muscle. I have an ass. I mean I always thought I wanted an ass. I dreamed about having shape, having a difference between my hips and my waist. I did lunges and squats to aquire AN ASS. Now that apparently my jeans and scale think I have one? I'm not sure what to do with it.

I've always joked that I had ASPRIN ASS. Flat on either side and a line down the middle. There was no difference between my back and my butt but then stupid saggy skin linking my but to my upper thighs. Not cute I swear. It only got worse after each child. Then it was plagued by celulite and stretch marks. I know you're all puking a little right now and I'm sorry. So anyway the asprin ass isn't really GONE just a little more shapely but still realivily flat. The scale doesn't move unless its going up (I've seen a 112 lately too).

I sent the hubby this text message while he's down doing "FILL THE BOOT" for Muscular Distrophy Association (if you're in Vacaville swing on by Nut Tree Rd and give them some dough will ya).

Did u wash my jeans on hot or is all this training giving me a fat ass?

Needless to say that is a loaded question and he laughed ... a lot. But did not actually answer. Smart man I got there hu? I could use a new pair of jeans though.

Clarksburg 20 mile race

This weekend many of us from the Marathon Training program ran in the Paul Reese Memorial Country Run. Some of us ran 20 miles, some ran 30k, some ran the half marathon. We all had a pretty good time. Clarksburg is a beautiful little town on the delta near Sacramento. There are lots of winerys and agricultural along the route.

The first 10 miles when off pretty good. My feet kind of hurt from the new shoes and figuring out the lacing situation. I had a GU 15 minutes before start, Cliff Shots at mile 6, GU at mile 10 and Luna Miles at 15 miles. I made too many potty breaks, perhaps because I took two waters at each stop or one water one Power aide. I had stomach cramping from about mile 12 on. Not a good feeling to have, let me tell you. All in all I was sore but about to keep moving. The last mile we were moving at close to 8:30/mile and the last 100 yards Vicki, myself and Liz kicked it into gear and pushed that finish line hard. I held back for just a moment so the photographer could actually get my picture instead of completely missing it like at Cowtown where I have NO pics to choose from.

I had a pretty good day all in all, 6am pick up at Vickis, picking Liz up along the way, 3 1/2 to run and talk, lunch with the girls, shopping at Fleet Feet in Sacrmento and a drive home to my boys who I missed ALL DAY! It was a pretty good day. My youngest really loved my finishers medal and when I get the chance I'll get a pic of it to post.

I do have questions for you though. Do you think I should forgo the drink of choice at the CIM, just drink water and perhaps use sodium caplets or will GU, Shot Blocks or Luna Moons be enough? Your input would be greatly appreciated!

Its not just me

No its not. Everyone tonight was like... when the heck is this OVER! I'm so freakin' done. I'm not really. I'm actually scared. Scared that this thing I found that I'm good at will be over, that these friends that I've made will disappear and this routine I've found to make me a healthier, happier person will come undone. I'm not ready to lose those things.

The eating. ugh. I'm tired of eating all the same things over and over. I'm tired of the time lines and the pressure. I lied, I love the pressure. I hate the pressure I put on my kids and the sitters. I'm not so worried about the hubby, he gets hunting... I get running. So there.

So I'm conflicted but so is everyone else. That makes me feel better, I'm not alone. Lets celebrate! Who's making mimosas tomorrow? anyone? ... hu?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tonight was speed work. We ran to the track but the lights were off so we ran in the dark like we did in January and February in the Half Marathon Program. It was cold, dark and wet. Totally brought back memories. So we had a two mile warm up, the loop was almost exactly 2/3 of a mile so we did threshold pace around then a one minute rest then again then a one minute rest then again. We did 2 miles back. We totaled 6 miles even tonight. Everything has felt so good for so long I'm getting worried but my hamstrings are so tight. I'm off to shower and to roll out the hams.

Later gaters.

Vote

Today will change history. Get out there and vote... your voice counts.

I just had lunch (cashew chicken, pork fried rice, chow mien that I didn't eat, an egg roll and yummy soup) with Good Neighbor who is pretty Liberal... I'm pretty heavy Conservative. Glad to say that most things we talked about were pretty spot on the same. OK, not who we voted for president but all the California ballot measures anyway. Funny thing is the things we agree on are for different reasons. LOL~ It was nice to get a different perspective though. No going back now... my ballot went out in the mail over two weeks ago.

I'm off for a run although I would much rather be shopping. Mervyn's is going out of business and they are having a huge sale. I don't want to take the kiddos so I guess I'll have to go through whatever is still there tomorrow.

Post 100

I can't believe that its been 100 posts already! It seems like yesterday that my first post was making me laugh because my other blog was taken OVER by running and eating. I guess this is fitting that my 100th post since it is National Blog Posting Month meaning and I will be trying to post on one of my blogs every day. I will be trying to post here on heavy running days or on days that have a particularly interesting topic about running. I'll try to leave links here to those posts if I can remember or have time to do that.

Today I feel better. I am sore. I should have stood in the creek (so very very cold) before I left the park but I was in a hurry to get the boys. I am tired, physically and emotionally right now but I'm hoping that changes soon. Its been so hard to be positive, during a run, while thinking about my goals, about my schedule, about eating healthy. I've actually had more bad days then good lately and we are so close to the Marathon... just less than 5 weeks away.

My goal this week is to get back on the horse, run when and how far I'm supposed to, drink lots of water, eat healthy and enough that I don't crash like I did yesterday. I'm going to re-read Performance Nutrition for Runners again and the Paleo Diet for Athletes since I've been fudging on my Non-bread diet a lot lately because I've been so tired of potatoes and rice. Me and wheat? We just don't get along. Its showing.

*** Congratulations to everyone who ran races this weekend! The New York Marathon was Sunday and wahhoooo Paula Radcliff and Marilson Gomes dos Santos for passing the finish lines first in New York. More applause for my running buddy Vicki who took 4th in her age group at our local 10K this weekend AFTER running 10 miles with me. She is a machine! More applause and confetti for those of you who raced! Congratulations everyone***

I guess this is the week for Re-form. Don't forget to get out there and EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE tomorrow. Don't complain about laws or who's representing us if you don't play your part and vote. I hate that, your voice DOES matter.

Run outta steam

I don't know what happened today. The first 10 mile warm up before the race was so good. I really felt REALLY GOOD! Then I ran the Almond Bowl 10K and I struggled all the way through it. I just didn't feel good then my thighs and calves started cramping. I must have not eaten enough and I ... I just don't know. My last 18 miles was great. My 20 mile run was good too. We finished off with almost 2 mile cool down and I struggled through that even though Vicki and Liz put up with me the whole way. I literally thought I was going to throw up after the 10k.

10.1 miles 1:40:38 or so... then a nice jog to the REAL restrooms put us at 1:44:35 overall and 10.43 miles. We ate a half of a PB&J so I guess I won't be doing that again. Stretched then headed to the start line of the 10K. The race started and I stayed with Liz through the first 4 miles then I shuffled through the last 2 miles. It was SO HARD, to stay focused, not to walk, to slow enough to keep my heart rate down. It was a miserable race. I finished in about 58m and change. Not to hot for me but oh well.

Good Neighbor ran her first 5K today and Rocked it at 34:25! GREAT JOB GN! thats an 11:05 pace. I wish I could have been there to take pictures of you. Next 5K, maybe Fost or Fog?

I'm hoping next weekends Clarksburg run is better. 20 miles again. I'm going with Vicki and Liz and I'll try to keep up.

Light bulb moment

FOOD IS FUEL.... OK so I have known this for a while but I'm not like some of you foodies. I'm not good at it. I can cook a couple of things pretty well but very few of them my family will eat. Most of them revolve around veggies and my kids and husband like things out of a can or a box. Today I ate really good, well I should say I ate like a pig. Actually as I'm writing this those of you from Chico will be jealous that I'm mowing on a frozen yogurt from Jon 'n' Bons... actually its a Carmel latte swirl with chocolate granola on top. I know I'm so bad.

Today I ate... a bowl of Honeynut cheerios with a banana cut up in it and a glass of OJ at 6:30am.

I ate a toasted bagel with a poached egg and slice of pepper jack cheese and a tablespoon of mustard on it at 10:30am

I ate a chicken fajita taco from Taco's De Alcapoco (again you Chicoans are jealous I know) at 1:30pm.

I ate a half of a large chicken breast breaded with a half of a slice of laughing cow cheese melted inside, 1 serving of creamy Parmesan risotto and 2 servings of acorn squash for dinner at 5:30pm.

I have drank over 96oz of water today. and I'm eating easily 2 servings of frozen yogurt now. YUMM-O.

I cannot believe how well you feel when you have been eating like you should be eating, errrr....at least getting the calories you should be eating. Now that I'm clocking almost 25 miles a week and I'll be adding more this week I hope, I feel good on a run when I eat good. DUHH... It has only taken me 9 months to figure this out. I have found that my stomach is not balching at wheat products since I've been running but still does not like food high in fat... like that Japanese place in Washington with their fried rice. I loved it... it did not like me. hmmm.